Sunday, June 05, 2005

That Old Feeling

It took only one glance in your picture for that old wonderful feeling to come back. I missed you. I am not supposed to nor do I particularly want to but, there it was. No denying it.

I want to tell you how much that particular summer spent with you meant to me but I can't. I want to tell you, as I wanted to tell you then, how much I like you. I don't know why you have that power over me. You're quiet and not at all great-looking. Your fashion sense was unheard of and you'd much rather stay in the background always.

So why this? And, until now? Maybe it's your intelligence, your quiet and gentle ways, your thoughtfulness... Anyway, I can think from here to eternity but still not come up with a suitable answer. But, I guess that's the way it's always been with matters of the heart.

We lost touch after college, but I tried to wait for you. Even though you did not give me any concrete indication that you'd want me to. It was presumptous, I know, but I didn't care. There was this silly hope that one day we could be together. Crazy, huh?

But, Life went on a different course for me. I could never be sorry about it. I love the people in my life. Deeply so. And, I would never dream of hurting them in any way.

I guess with you, my heart takes on a life of it's own. As if I were free and priviledged to do so, I think about you and me, together. Just like we were that summer. It was so perfect that, even now, I could remember every nuance, every thought, every moment.

When I found out that you already have someone special, I was angry at you. I still am. I felt betrayed, somehow. As if you were confirming that that summer meant nothing at all to you. I shouldn't be and I know I don't have the right. Now, I am grateful that I didn't tell you of my feelings then. I would have just looked foolish. At least, I still have my pride.

As hard as it was to accept, silly heart notwithstanding, it wasn't meant to be. I firmly believe that if two people really love each other, even if everything goes against them, they will be together. And, as what happened between you and me, or rather, what NOT happened, is a testimony of the very craziness of the idea.

Maybe I'll always be just a little in love with you. For, I know that my good memories of you was somehow mixed up over my college euphoria. That's what made the feeling stand out. So, I'll just savor those memories for they do bring a smile to my face. And, then on with my life and my loves.

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